How do you sell your Yoga (or rather, your soul)?

If you are offended by this post then I will deem myself successful. But please don’t sue me or (worse) unfriend me; I am just a poor mathematician. (Poor puppy face or cute cat face… whichever works!)

I usually ignore all *days. They are absolutely useless in my opinion. Friendship day, mothers day, brothers day, horrible day, good day, rose day, thorns day etc etc. But then I noticed much to my amusement “World Yoga Day”. But just as I was to close my eyes and ignore it I noticed CLOSE DOWN BURRARD BRIDGE.

Some league of extraordinary idiots decided to close (a rather heavily used) bridge to perform Yoga! I got more curious and decided to see what else people do to perform Yoga. I will restrict my attention to Vancouver.

The Hot HOT HOTOTOT!! Oh my god Yoga!

So how do you sell something which is centuries old! Tell people, “Oh that is not how things work. You are doing it all wrong. Maybe it is becoming easy for you. So let me turn the temperature to 40 Degrees Celcius and we can perform 30 asanas in a single sitting” . Many of my friends have loved this very interesting fad. It is even more interesting to see them injured after an year of excruciating painful exercises meant to make them invincible. Meanwhile in India some people are turning up the air conditioner to avoid over exhaustion!

The Travel To Exotic Locations As You ‘do’ Yoga

So maybe turning up the temperatures is not good enough. Why not go to some exotic location, learn some postures and attain Moksha (salvation). But why the exotic location?  “Oh! The vibes of this area are better than any other and of course that is how I will become rich!” All this time I thought that my friends were just posing for some fancy photographs. If only I would have known…

The Don’t Drown and Yoga

Now how can you up the experience of going to Hawaii for a week, loosing a million dollars (or some such figure) and performing Yoga?

Yessirreeee! Just go, balance yourself on paddle board (which is not exactly simple) and perform your not so easy yoga poses and smile!!! 10000 likes! Oh but where is your focus?

Of course I could go on, but to a mathematician 3 is 3 million.
The obvious question is, who do you learn this from? Supposedly there are special sessions of a few weeks which will give you the certificate to teach. I still remember that all my instructors in India had had years of training before. I just cannot expect the instructors here to have the right level of competency. Not that all my instructors in India were knowledgeable but here I do not expect any of the instructors to have the knowledge and experience to impart the right teachings. Sure they can tell you the text book mechanics, they can paint it in fancy colours and they can make you an instructor as well so that their empire can grow.

There are some obvious flaws in all this. Let me speak about a few:
Yoga is not “One size fits all.” Everyone’s body has a specific need and requirement! Any set of exercises which is meant for everyone is probably not something which is right for you. And you will not find out till you break your neck or maybe not even then!

The intent of Yoga is not for you to lose fat or to become supple, lithe and attractive. It can be one of the fall outs. Sadly the true intent cannot be achieved by wearing a diamond ring or a long beard or raising your finger up. Sit down in your home and just observe your own thoughts wander for sometime. It will be a much better step in that direction and some peace of mind as well!

Yoga is an extremely personal activity. Having an instructor helps to choose the correct postures for you, to refine and correct your posture. It is best to perform it at your pace and comfort and not something that you can hurry through. There is no train to catch!

The time of the day matters! This is not your light jog (which you can take anytime you like). No! You cannot munch on your energy bar right after this. If you do feel the need for it then you should probably change your instructor.

I am no Yoga EXPERT (or even a man knowledgeable about yoga). But I have done some reading and I have had some training since my childhood. Also I know precisely what shit smells like.

I hope this post helps you next time you walk into your Yoga class, at least till another YOGI brainwashes you. If you encounter one then I suggest watching this for decalcifying: 


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